OK, so that’s not true! But it could be, right? With five days gone from the 2010 edition of Wimbledon, the dramatic scripts have been writing themselves. We brainstorm a few pilots to pitch to our friends over at Bravo. Forget the Tennis Channel, we’re going big time!
An Epic Encounter
Starring John Isner and Nicolas Mahut
This one is pretty simple: basically each 30-minute episode is 30 minutes from the gent’s now-famous match, the longest in tennis history. That’s at least two seasons of tennis bliss, and all the drama is built-in. Character development revolves around Isner‘s down-home Southern charm (his mom will obviously give testimonials), while Mahut‘s fierce, always-in-place hair will leave make-up and styling costs at zero dollars. Plot twists: Two sunsets approaching with quick feet; a language barrier; and a chair umpire who has had to use the bathroom for almost 7 episodes.
When the Queen Comes
Starring The Queen, Serena Williams, Andy Murray and all of England
The royalty comes to Wimbledon! Watch as the media pepper players with more questions about their off-court curtsy and bows than forehands and follow throughs. Serena must find her way through the maze of the All England Club bureaucracy to find a place on Centre Court, while Andy bites his nails to the nubs with nerves over the appropriate handshake. Plot twists: Jelena Jankovic ends up wearing the same color as the Queen to the meet and greet; the Queen’s hat wreaks havoc on Tim Henman‘s tennis-watching; and Caroline Wozniacki wakes the Queen from a nap with a booming overhead sparking a monarchy controversy between the Danes and the Brits.
Two more brilliant show ideas after the cut.
Starring Victor Hanescu, Svetlana Kuznetsova and James Blake
There’s some spitting in this show, and some ignored handshakes and mental breakdowns… but good thing this sport isn’t soccer, right?! There’s nothing like a good few on-court temper tantrums – especially at Wimbledon – and Walking Away provides the worst of the worst from the folks in all-white. Sort of a MTV’s Boiling Points meets Supernanny, players implode and then sit down with John McEnroe - the king of the on-court tantrum – for an on-camera tell-all slash therapy session. Plot twists: Each week there’s a “flashback” session, and appearances are made by every frightening WTA dad that ever existed; for the season finale, McEnroe finally gets Agassi and Sampras to sit down and settle their feud once and for all.
Starring everyone shirtless ATP player to ever have hit on a practice court
Every week, all episode long, just shirtless guys hitting the practice courts. No really. And no commentary, either. Like Babies, but all grown up.
(photo by courttwo via flickr)